Is It Truly A Dream?
Florida. Warm weather year round, white sandy beaches, girls in bikinis, surfing, fishing, swimming and a tropical lifestyle that can’t be beaten.
Well, hold on just a minute.
There are a few things that they don’t tell you when you are thinking of selling your old couch and moving a thousand miles to be a beach bum.
The truth is that Florida has a few negatives to go along with all the positives.
For instance, when you drive through Florida, you will invariably encounter something called a stoplight. And at every stoplight, there will be a person or persons standing there glaring at you with a sign that says, “Homeless, please help.”
Now, most people have a charitable spirit but it appears that every homeless person in the world has decided to relocate to Florida and stand at the intersections. The problem is that it has become big business with groups taking shifts and splitting their earnings. There have been reports of some sign holders clearing nearly $100,000 a year, tax free of course.
The truth is that these people tend to give you the bug eyes, making you feel uncomfortable until you finally feel obligated to hand over your money.
Another problem is the proliferation of child molesters. Now, again, I don’t want to tell anyone how to live their life, but molesting a child or having child porn on your computer is a little bizarre. But for some reason, they seem to be having a national convention in the Sunshine State that never ends. Be prepared to have several molesters living in your neighborhood as the government publishes the address of those that have already been convicted.
And the insects? We have everything from scorpions to something called love bugs. Love bugs show up twice a year. They are actually two bugs hooked together hence the name love. The male dies during mating and the female carries him around for a few weeks still in the throes of passion. That is what I call some serious lovemaking! These things come in hordes and basically just float in your face driving you crazy until they fall down, die, and make a huge mess.
Love to swim? Well, every creek, river and pond has a surprise in it…..alligators! These prehistoric beasts love to take a bite out of a human or pet. So most of your swimming is going to be relegated to the pool.
But what about swimming in the ocean? it is true, there are no alligators in the ocean. However, there are some gray things called sharks that often mistake a leg for a tuna or mackerel.
The weather? Well, my first year here, we had four hurricanes and I lost power for nearly two weeks. Now, I am no sissy, but living in Florida without air conditioning or modern conveniences is not fun to say the least.
And did you know that Florida has more tornadoes than anyone with the possible exception of Kansas? We also lead the country in lightning strikes. And severe thunderstorms are a constant.
To combat the weather conditions, we invested in a steel carport and then later a metal building that doubles as a garage. We purchased these on the advice of life-time residents who sent us to OSE Florida. Their website is http://www.oseflorida.com.
So before making the decision to move, please understand that Florida is not all sunsets and beaches. Oh, and did I mention the snakes?